One day he invited me out to a place only lovers would go. We were not lovers so it got me thinking; “Is he going to propose? Is he going to tell me I’m the love of his life? And since he found me he hadn’t been sleeping well in the night?” He sat directly in front of me drinking, eating, and not saying anything. We had been friends for years. There were days he would drop hints that he likes me. I’ll soften my words and texturize my speech for him to know that if he proposes I would say yes. But he won’t propose. He won’t say the things men say to a girl they like. He would pretend he doesn’t feel a thing or he simply wants to be friends. “Or maybe he’s scared?” .
He’s scared to say what’s in his heart for me because men are men only when they are not in love. When they fall, they fall and crush their masculinity and become scared to propose. But that night I wasn’t going to allow him to pretend or act scared, so I took the lead: “Sammy, maybe you should tell me what’s in your mind so I’ll also have something to tell you. I can’t answer the questions in your head until you bring them out. Why are we here? What do you have to tell me that you had to bring me here?”
That opened the flood gate. Not too wide. Just a little enough space so something can fall out. He said, “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for so long but…” And then he choked on the food he was eating. He took water. He hit his chest. He was alright but he tried to say something else. Changed the topic or something. I said, “So you were saying….” He picked it up from there. He was frank and he was brutal and he was straightforward. The reason for his inhibitions was Simone. A guy I’ve been very close to. He thought I was dating that guy. He thought I loved that guy so much and won’t leave him for anyone. I explained things to him; “we are just friends.”
We left the place as lovers because he finally proposed and I said yes.
One red flag that slowly unfurled right before my eyes at the beginning of the relationship was his jealousy. He tried to suppress it but it showed. I’ll be on the phone for a minute and he would ask me, “Who was that?” Saying “Oh it’s just a friend” won’t cut it for him. I have to go deeper to explain the kind of friendship, how long and how far. “He’s Danny. A long time friend bla bla bla…” “He’s James. His mother and my mother are old-time friends.” “She’s Suzy…” “She’s Ama….”
I was always telling him the history of people in my life. I was worried but then the worries became positive worries. I was like “Why is this guy so jealous?” Then the positivity kicked in…”He’s jealous because he loves you. Love at its root is jealousy. Even God is jealous and he guards us jealously from the devil. But Sammy’s jealousy hit the ceiling every now and then so we had a discussion about it; “Dear, I can understand your love for me and why you want to protect your interest in me. But can you tone it down a little? I love you. See, should I sit on the floor for you? You want to walk on me? How flat should I be on the floor so you can have a smooth walk? I will do anything for you because you’re the one I love. If you have all of me why then would you worry about the crumbs that fall off the table?” .
There’s something about people who sleep in church while the preaching is going on. You tap them to wake up and they tell you, “I’m not sleeping.” Sammy is just like those people. “I’m not jealous,” He would say and yet go ahead and act jealously. He said, “I’m not jealous. I’m only trying to know the people in your life, One year in a relationship and there was no one in my .. Tap Here To Continue Reading For Mot Details . .. Share